visual noise

I was talking to joey last week and he asked me how my life had been this semester. the best way i could describe semester is that i have been living in complete tension between the very best and the very worst of life. very best being that i have been blessed with the most wonderful and patient woman I have had the privledge of ever getting to know, incredible roommates, a job i love and a challenging internship under one of my favorite teacher. The very worst watching my family fall to pieces after some very selfish things my dad has done and in response making the decision to end whatever relationship I thought I had with him for the time being. It’s been a hard semester that I’ve barely been able to get by each week. this morning i received a call from my mom letting me know that my grandmother passed away this morning. She was in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and wasn’t doing so well when I visited her a month ago. This still came as quite a shock and on top of ever other hurt in our family. Please pray for them if that’s something you do. I have no idea to what ends but prayer seems to be the right things to do in these moments.

This semester I have been taking Mark as an exegetical class and my paper was 15:33-39. It’s where Jesus is hanging on the cross and deals with God forsaking Him. This is the conclusion I wrote to the paper…

RIP
Charlotte Hansen
One who walked this earth and of whom this world was not worthy
Hebrews 11:38

* * *

Writing this paper has been more of a spiritual experience than any other passage I have written on. For days now the only constant thought I have had on my mind is the death of Jesus. It’s been a pretty depressing few days for me and I have found myself joining the ranks of so many people after Peter’s sermon at Pentecost. I have been cut to the heart. I have been frustrated, upset and finally encouraged while interacting with this scene. Until this semester I have never really considered walking away from my faith. Dealing with the disappointment of everything that has happened with my parents has left me feeling quite alone and abandoned by the Father. I fail to understand why all this has happened in spite of my life long prayer to God in hopes He will intervene and rescue my family. I fail to understand why God will seemingly answer my friend’s prayer for a good parking spot at the mall but ignores my prayers for a stable home environment that my younger siblings could grow up in and that I could come home to for the holidays. This passage did not answer any of these questions that haunt me but rather I got to understand a little bit more the fullness of God’s relation to humanity through the experience of Jesus. He knows what being forsaken means and yet He had the faith to cry out, “My God, my God.” I think I’m beginning to understand the idea that He was forsaken so I never will be. Maybe not in the sense that God is all around me and I just need to “adjust my frequency to tune into the Holy Spirit better” but rather, looking through the lens of the cross, I cannot say I am alone in my suffering because at least one person in history has experienced a loss far deeper than my own and has still kept His faith. I’m convicted by Kernaghan’s response the to centurion’s confession and I will end with this quote :

“In the context of this Gospel, however, the term Son of God has a much larger meaning. Yet even if the centurion’s confession was bounded by the forms and meanings of his own culture, what he said points to something greater. He perceived the truth, even if he did not understand it. Mark leaves his audience at the foot of the cross after showing us what the centurion witnessed and what he said, as though to ask, ‘What do you believe?’”

i used to be good at keeping this updated. i don't know what happened. oh well, i have a different blog on myspace that i try to keep updated. so read that if you're still interested in my life...

thank you for your well wishes and happy birthdays today. though i don't really draw attention to it they meant the world to me.

you mean the world to me.

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." -Psalm 63:1

we drove through much of the countryside of Israel yesterday. on our way to masada we drove by jericho but since its under palestenian authority we weren't allowed to stop. this is one of the many moments on this trip where my theology clashed so much with current events that it made me cry. the entire area was desolate with war and the cry of mourning for the blood spilt on these hills could be heard loud and clear if you could take some silence and listen. through my own turmoil and tears i was reminded of the psalm quoted earlier and the reality of the situation became incredibly clear to me. here at the dead sea everything is dead. very little wildlife is sustained without the aquaducts and it was in this area or abouts where the psalmist realized the depravity of mankind and how its spilled over onto creation and his solution was the presence of God.

it inspires hope in a broken heart for a people and a land that is so incredible foreign to me...if they have hope then no on can be lacking.

well i'm going to swim in the dead sea now...

shalom.

so i was sitting in the library with lynda working on my commentary notes that are due Friday for my matthew class and Nathaniel walks up and ask how my Middle East paper turned out. Last week I basically deleted everything I did and started over with new sources and everything but I hadn't started any serious research on it. After telling him all that he gave me a funny look and I suddenly had a suspicion that he knew something that I did not. I come to find out that I was wrong about the due date. It's not due next thursday...it's due tomorrow. Yeah...F-WORD.

So I'm completely jacked up on caffeine right now while writing about how events in Israel since 1948 has influenced the evolution of dispensational theology. I'm not sure my place in nerdom can get any higher right now...

such is the life of a disinfected college student.

this is my first blog from my brand new macbook.

woot.

I read this while visiting fuller theological seminary on tuesday in pasadena this last week and it's been on my mind since then. tell me what you think.

i'm reminded of something that starts with and "f" and ends in "ascism".

here is the church's website if you want to read up on everything.

2008 can not come any sooner and my only hope is that the evangelicals lose the majority.

Krista: guess what
notmyown35: what?
Krista: i got stung by a bee yesterday while derek and i were driving to dinner
notmyown35: are you serious?
Krista: i was talking to derek (and looking at him) and then i felt this sharp pain on my arm and was like what the heck? and i looked at my arm and there was this thing (stinger) in it so i took it out and was like what the f was that, then i looked down and there was the bee, dying on my lap.
Krista: and then the sting began to hurt more and i cursed at the bee
Krista: and it got all swolen and red, and today it is just a big red blotch
notmyown35: amazing
Krista: but it hurt for a long time
notmyown35: i'm sorry:(
Krista: i know! who the f gets stung by a bee while sitting in a car
Krista: and not even notiving the bee was in teh car to be stung by at all
Krista: derek found it funny, i was glad the bee decided to commit suicide by stinging me for no good reason

after going to this lutheran church and becoming received with open arms by sharing communion with this body i realized i'm over the restoration movement. wait, i'm over this whole "non-denomination" denomination. i'm over only cognitively recognizing that we're apart of Church bigger than ourselves while trying to maintain our autonomy. i'm over going to trendy church plants by bitter youth pastors who think they're actually doing something new in the history of Church. i'm over trading divine imminence for transcendance. why can't we have both? i'm over going through the motions of tradition in our movement without knowing why. where's the reverence? where's the choirs singing the gospel that heaven and earth join in on? where's the worship that transcends just the music we're listening to? what happened to the sharing of the peace be with you's? What happened to reminding ourselves of the Lord's Prayer in the middle of the worship service? What happened to reminding ourselves that we need His mercy by audibly asking for it? What happened to real meditation? what happened to liturgy as a way of life? What happened to silence?

i'm over a quick three point sermon, all starting with the letter "S", on how to gain all these things back. what happened to the Gospel? how did we get tired of hearing about the Story God has written through us?

the ideals of the restoration movement are near and dear to my heart but i see those values actually being applied to the world outside the movement who's supposed to be centered on rediscovering the 1st century church. to what point and purpose i wonder? was the first century church really that much better than what we have now? Is the Bride of Christ really more or less screwed up now as it was then? to what end and through what means are we trying to emulate something we can only speculate about? is it justified?

i'm over never being satisfied with the status quo but in the same sentence(literally) i realize that this is what drives me.

change.

i'm in liberal arts math right now...

...and i'm losing the piece of my mind i thought i had.

Jesus you can come back anytime you'd like.

of course, i'm sure, he's seen as a nazi appeaser and an enemy to our country now...

taking any philosophy course has got to be my own masochism made manifest in the classroom setting. i'm encountering old questions that have gone unsanswered in my film class this semester. even if i do find some answers this time around, thanks to thinkers like nietzsche, they're completely dependant upon my perspective at that point and time. Reality is based on perception and so I really can't know anything for sure.

it's kinda funny though...whenever i have faced this "reality"(yay for being overly ambiguous) i have been shaken to the core. if i can't really know anything then what about all the "knowledge" my faith is based on? While chasing these mice in my head a revelation came to me...

losing the ability to know anything for sure only reveals to me the faith needed to take a single breath and live in the moment God has given to me...

yay for existentialism.

okay here are some of the most halarious news articles i've read in a long time...

gossip unexpectedly exposed

this one just feeds the stereotype of asians not being able to drive

amazing.

so i started writing a short story series called "on the corner of state college and chapman". i know it was blocked last night but i promise there will be more that i will feel safe letting all of myspace read:) so stay in tuned...

so on the day that i have no class my boss schedules me to open the retail caf at 7am....suck. i'm not much of a morning person but i think i'm going to like this shift. it's pretty chill once you get the coffee made and everything else turned on. which gives me a good opportunity to read whatever book i'm in as a devotional. i'm currently reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Basically this book is about the journey of learning how to abandonly trust the truths we find in Jesus. i'm learning how scared i am to trust anything anymore. it's seems every semester what truths i do stand on get viscerated entirely or stripped apart until all that remains is the skeleton of my faith. i know that this process of deconstructing what i believe is important and has been the life blood of my faith since i really started taking ownership of it after graduating highschool. BUT i feel left in an existential reality where i don't want to put too much of my weight on that stone on the ledge because i never quite know if it'll be there long enough for me to take the next step on this Road.

then there's the issue of getting close to new people here on campus. people have messed me up and i kind of just want to stick with the friends i have had over the past few years and keep everyone else at arm's length. i'm just tired of being told one thing and actually have another thing happen...but that's how it goes right? how do you not be cynical about something and yet not be so surprised when you get let down?

anyways i read this and it's been on my mind the whole day...

"The foremost quality of a trusting disciple is greatfulness. Gratitude arises from a lived perception, evaluation, and acceptance of all of life as grace. . .The rediscovery of the precious gift of life and existence, often taken for granted, gives birth to the spirit of gratefulness; the awareness of contingency, forcefully presented by the evening news, prods the decision to accept the invitation to celebrate the feast of life one day at a time." -Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

wow, i've already been here a week. school starts tomorrow and i'm so ready to get past this summer camp euphoria that is NSO(new student orientation). it's fun and all but i'm ready to get back into my routine of school. we had our annual clash and bowl last night. it's where we wear obnoxious outfits and go bowling. it was really fun and i looked atrocious.

i started to read my textbook for Matthew (yes, i have already started in on my homework) and i've realized how much of my brain i let go on atrophy over the summer. i had to look up three words in the dictionary...english words!! but i'm starting to get back into the swing of it all and my mind is slowly getting back to the processing level it used to be at so all is good.

i started reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. it's awesome. it seems like i always pick up a Brennan Manning book at exactly the point in my life where my life is most attuned to take in it's full message. if i started reading say Ragamuffin Gospel any earlier or later than i did i really don't think that the concept of grace would have hit me as hard as it did. Same with Abba's Child and my struggle with identity. Now, i started reading Ruthless Trust and after 3 pages i needed to put it down so i can keep my defense mechanisms in check and to start deconstructing once again and discover the real condition of my heart.

In his introduction Brennan was explaining a conversation that he had recently with his mentor and basically he wrote that his mentor told him that he's learned enough truths about his spirituality that will last him 3000 years. what matters is whether he's put his trust in the truths he's been given by Christ.

simplistic yet really hard to put into practice...that seems to be how it goes most of the time though...

yaay! i got my room keys and I'm officially registered for 2006-2007 at Hope International University:) i'm pretty happy about that. i'm finished with my formation group leader training stuff...also happy about that.

anyways here are my classes...

MW:
Matthew Matson 12:20-1:25pm
Worldld Christian Movements Whitmer, S. 1:35-2:50pm

TR:
Hist of the Middle East Maiershofer 12:10-1:25pm
Lib Arts Math Balden 1:30-2:50pm
Film and the Human Condition Holtzen/Grana 6-9pm

not a class before noon and no classes on friday...very nice.

i'm also excited for the film class i'm taking. it's actually an upper level philosophy course taught by our philosophy prof with dr grana. our homework is to watch 2 movies a week and write some papers...that's it. it's going to be freaking rad.

mmk well i need to go prepare for a sermon i get to give tonight at a friend's youth group so i'm gonna jet...take care...

no word yet on financial aid. i'm trying to take out a private loan to cover the $2300 that i need. hopefully that will work out. i feel like i'll be walking on water by hopping a plane. scary but i'm pretty sure it'll work out. i still plan on flying down on the 14th.

i took out my eyebrow piercing. i got bored with it so i'm done...it's been a fun two and a half years with that there...

tonight was the last night of the college group and no one showed up. bummer.

yeah..i need to get to bed soon...

poor al gore

so throughout this summer Fox has been nice enough to replay this last season of House on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. point of digression:I'm pretty sure they had addicted college students who only have cable when they're living with their parents in mind when deciding on summer programing. anyways, tonight's title was House vs God. The writers do a real good job at showing the tension between religious fanatics(in this show's case a faith healer who constantly hears the voice of God) and hard science without offending the religious community who watches the show. like i already said, tonight's was about a faith healer who had an unexplained illness and who wouldn't take meds or anything because God told him that his faith was all he needed.

while giving the guy an MRI two of the doctors, cameron and foreman, were having an ongoing discussion about God. Cameron started off in season one a complete atheist but through their conversations she's started to move over into the agnostic circle. in this episode foreman was basically asking "how could you not believe in a higher order?" cameron shoots down his questions with "it's really not something important to talk about." foreman says, "how could you say that? this is one of the most import-" Cameron cuts him off by telling him, "you can't expect to casually talk about the afterlife with someone you told you're not even friends with."

okay...she was referring to last night's episode. Foreman basically stole a big paper Cameron wrote on and took credit for it and throughout the whole episode there was conflict going on. in one of the last scenes they finally hash it out and Foreman bluntly tells her, "i like you and i like working with you but we're not friends. in ten years we'll say hi and catch up at some conference but that's it. we're just colleagues."

now going back to the conversation they had in the MRI room...i thought it was really interesting. how many times do we expect people to be open to us sharing the gospel when we don't even consider them friends? worse yet, when we just met the person? yes, there are definitely moments that are divinely appointed in someone's life when all they need is a four page pamphlet that lays out the four spiritual laws and bridge illustration and BAM they accept Christ as savior on a 15 minute bus ride. But do these exceptions cancel out the general rule? i guess, boiling it down, if we're so focused on this christian spirituality being a relationship with God over an established religion why is it so hard to make the jump and look at evangelism as being in a relationship with a person over winning a theological arguement?

yeah...i like shows that get my wheels spinning. house is amazing.

finally at rest and i'm not sure what to do with this next week. i mean i have lessons i need to prepare and a sermon to write for when i get to preach at a college group in so cal on the 16th. i'm not quite sure on what yet. Boldness has been on my heart for a while now. In ephesians 6:19 paul asks the church at ephesus to pray for him so that he may have to words to teach about the gospel with boldness. i've done a little but of word study on "boldness" and it's been real interesting...the specific word that paul uses in the greek culture carries a connotation of a certain freedom of speech. you needed to be a greek citizen in order to have this freedom...

" The presupposition of (boldness) is that one should be a full citizen of a Gk. polls. At the height of Gk. democracy the full citizen alone has the right to say anything publicly in the (assembly). Aliens and slaves have no such right." -Theological dictionary of the New Testament

i added what's in the parenthesis...i just thought it was interesting what this source had to say about the word's use in the secular world because i really believe that paul used the vernacular of the current culture to share the gospel to everyone. it seems that paul was asking that the Holy Spirit would give him the freedom to share the story of Christ and speak truth into people's lives. he knew that he had no right to give such a message to a person unless he had earned it through their relationship. i'm curious as to what it takes to gain such a privledge in someone's life...

i haven't really begun to process anything i've journeyed through since Jr High Camp. this summer has gone by so fast and yet it's been long enough for me. the idea of going back to school brings along a whole gamma of emotions....joy, fear, excitement, stress and the list goes on but i'm pretty sure i'm ready for it. i'm trying not to come in with any expectations but i can't help but think about everything i've gone through since my first year at hope. i don't know why but i really believe this year will be different and i'm excited...

i'll probably write some more when i've processed through more...

high school camp was awesome...i loved it. now i'm off to CIY this week. pray for me:)

i'm outtie.

i'll see you in a couple weeks!

daniel

well my summer is pretty much done and i'm ending it with a bang. i've been looking forward to these next two week all summer and i'm running headstrong right now. tomorrow i leave for winema once again for highschool camp as a rep for Hope. i've heard many great things about this camp and if it's anything like last week it's going to be nothing short of war. i'm ready, if not eager, to be jumping out of this environment of complacency and into the fray of battle again. i'm sure i'll get my but kicked and my heart broken again but i know why and that's what makes it worth it. i'm being used to change lives.

after that i'll be at home for a day so i can play for the worship band at church and then leave for the next day for CIY. i'm pretty excited for the curriculum because we're going through the book of ephesians and maybe you can guess what the last lesson in on...you got it: the armor of God and prayer. thanks to apostolic hermeneutics my eyes have been opened to a message paul gives within the text that's overlooked every time in sunday school. check out one of my previous blogs to read what i'm talking about. So i'm excited to pass on the knowledge that i have gained and minister to my highschool group before leaving for school again.

after CIY i have about a week before i leave for school(august 14th). i'll be flying out of Portland at dark thirty in the morning and i'll be back on campus later that morning...walking away from yet another life changing summer. i guess i will only leave everything behind if i choose not to bring those experiences and changes with me. i'm ready.

so for the next two weeks i'll be virtually unreachable again. if you guys could, whenever you think of me, lift me up in prayer. pray for energy and stamina. pray for the lessons i will be teaching. pray for unending patience and flexibility. pray for the students i will come in contact with and how God may be using me in their lives.

thanks everybody...i'll catch you later!

hey everybody!
tomorrow night The Road is hosting a showing of the Invisible Children viewing at Tigard Christian Church. It starts at 7pm and it would be cool to see all of you there...

for more info on invisible children you can check out their website www.invisiblechildren.com

thanks guys...

daniel

ahh...you gotta love waking up to cheesy camp songs stuck in your head. i would try to get them out but i'm going to be back there singing Romans 16:19 in a week anyways. so the songs stay put.

i'm about recovered now...which is good because the invisible children showing is tomorrow night. i'm kinda nervous about it. i sure hope people show up for it. this is such an alarming message that needs to get out. we invited a lot of people and put up posters so the rest is up to God i guess. i still can't help but stress out though;)

this last week i spent a lot more time in prayer than i'm used to(for good reason) but looking back on one experience i had i find it interesting. every morning they asked for prayer volunteers during the night worship and message and one of the nights i volunteered the speaker was talking about grace. in mid thought in my dialouge with God something my heart so hard and the only thought that was going through my mind was Israel. okay, out in winema you have to go well out of your way to stay connected to the outside world so i was oblivious to all the happenings in the last week. so i prayed for israel and the middle east, not really knowing what i was doing, and then i come back to check my RSS feeds and BAM article after article telling me what has happened. i was kind of blown away.

i don't really know what to do with these experiences i've had these past few weeks. it's like my heart as been reawakened to the spiritual. in the world of academia it's easy to downplay the unseen because we're so caught up in challenging everything that we once held to be true. what we've been taught, what we've read and even our own experiences are on the table for examination. which i think is a good thing but at the same time it's made me uber hesitant on spiritualizing anything. this summer has been a time where i'm beginning to find a balance between spiritualizing everything and using the mind God has given me to find rational explanations for events and questions i come across. it's like half of me has been restored.

on a different note...my lil sis is watching fuse and Jurassic 5's music video of "Work it out" freaturing Dave Matthews just came on. i'm amazing...dave can make even Jurrasic 5 pleasant to listen to...

to preface my story i need to say something. thanks to my education it's really hard to sit and listen to a sermon without analyzing the crap out of every bit of scripture used. which is good because it means my mind is active when being taught truth from the word of God...but it's also pretty annoying on my end to be honest. it's even worse for me during testimonial times and listening to people not formally educated in the bible tear out nice sounding verses from its original context and apply it to their situation. i make a point to be respectful an honor what good works God has done even though we misquote His word;) i always walk away thankful that God works completely autonomous from our understanding of Him...but as i walk away i'm also wishing that someone someday would use whatever scripture in it's right context. any student of the bible resonates with this struggle...our education is a double edge sword.

now, tonight at the college group i go to at Solid Rock we had a guy come up to share his story at the end of John Mark's sermon. a few years ago this guy(i forgot his name) came down with a disease with a really long name that causes full body paralysis by removing every nerve from every muscle in his body. he couldn't even close his eyes to sleep. after going in and out of comas for about 8 months he started getting better and regained the use of his waist up. then a doctor told him that they've done tests on his legs and stuff and none of his nerves are firing back so he'd never walk again. it took him a few months to accept this reality of his life. after a session of physcial therapy the doctor ran through the checklist to make sure his condition wasn't digressing and the doc got to his feet...the guy moved his feet. a few months later he was walking out of the hospital. he went in for some more tests and stuff...his nerves still wont fire back. he's scientifically a walking paraplegic. he could have ended his story there but he continued on and shared with us a verse that he held in his heart through all of this. seriously...it was one of the most atrocious applications of scripture i have heard in a while but still an amazing story.

driving home i was thinking about how the dude had no clue about what the verse was saying to it's original audience and all that cool exegetical stuff that has been tattooed into the thinking side of my brain. the song "You're Everything" by David Crowder came on my ipod and i listened as it played through the radio. all at once i realized how incredibly irrelevant all that bib studies jargon really is compared to when YHWH, the I AM, works in His children. this verse that was talking about something completely different inspired the faith this man needed to "pick up his mat and walk" when scientifically there was no chance in hell he would walk again.

it was beautiful.

You're Everything by David Crowder

You're everything
I could want
That I could need
If I could see
You want me
Could I believe?
'Cause You're perfectly
All I want, all I need
If I could just feel You're touch
Could I be free?
Why do You shine so?
Can a blind man see?
Why do You call?
Do You beckon me?
Can the deaf hear the voice of love?
Would You have me come?
Can the cripple run?
Are You the one?

To raise me up
From this grave
Touch my tongue
And then I'll sing
Heal my limbs
Then joyfully I'll run to You

And I'm alive and I'll sing...
And I'm alive and I'm free...

i've really noticed some real attack since chasing after a vision God has placed on mine and ryan's heart. you know, at school and in the emergent church environment it's pretty cool to challenge traditional thought on just about anything. this has done a lot of good in figuring out what church may look like in an ever changing culture. challenging paradigms either causes change or reveals to us timeless truth but there is a danger in sacrificing what we should never forget for the sake of sounding like a cutting edge intellectual(of which i'm totally guilty of). something i have found myself forgetting is that satan does exist. it's fundamental i know but on campus and stuff it would be trendy and acceptable to claim that satan is just the personification of the evil that's inside of us all. not in a totally depraved sense but in a sense that we all definitely struggle in doing what is right over what's easy. saying something like that makes me sound like i'm smart so i keep saying it and eventually i start to believe it or become unsure of the existance of a spiritual enemy that's unseen. does my own pride and vanity have an end? even though this is what's on my mind right now a part of me is wondering what you're going to think when reading this. does that make this a false display of humility or is it possible that i haven't strayed too far the Authentic?

wow...that was a tangent. i wrote all that to say how i've noticed that i've been under attack. with it's roots in pride and cynicism i have found myself battling unwarranted and unexplained bouts of depression. i have spent hours in complacency while looking at everything i need to get done and then a switch flips and i become so painfully obsessive about every detail so everything goes right...as if the success or failure of this group is a reflection upon me. i know...the narcissism is horrible and if it weren't for the reassurance i get from scripture that i'm loved regardless i would probably continue down a downward spiral by kicking myself in the ass for my own inadequacies not really knowing why i started down this slippery slope. you see...if the devil isn't real who else is there to blame for the cause of it all? if not the devil...how did the desire to be apart of something i couldn't catch up with morph into what i catch myself thinking about in the quiet parts of the day?

one of my favorite things about summer...otter pops.

i've been doing a lot of driving around this week, running errands and such, and while listening to the radio i've mainly tuned into the jazz station but when that dies out i find myself listening to the christian radio stations. after listening to a couple sets i got to wondering why christian music songs are either about being totally depraved/my heart is perpetually broken and wondering when God is going to come down and fix it all or they're songs about sunshine and furry things. There just doesn't seem to be a happy medium between sounding like a really bad four chord emo song and a song only happy plastic people relate to. i kind of put it out of my mind thinking that i'm just analyzing too much(which still might be the case).

last night i went to a college group i was involved with before coming to Hope my first year. It was so much fun and really good to come back into that community of people. We had a guest speaker last night and during his message he asked us, "how are you doing?" I was good and so that's how I answered. Then he said, "now...honestly how are you doing? some of you are doing good but the majority of us are probably pretty miserable and depressed." it got me thinking again...

yeah, i think he's right to a certain extent. there are hurting people everywhere and there were some people in that group where their world had just fallen apart. what i'm questioning i guess is whether the majority of our congregations are actually in pain...or is there a certain emotional undertone fostered by the christian sub-culture in which we have created? we all have issues in our life that, if we dwell on it, could make us angry and deppressed and i'm wondering why some pastors speak a message that plays on those things. His message was really uplifting and i found encouragement in hearing that Jesus loves me but i just didn't understand why he needed to get us focused on what's going wrong in our life before telling us to look on the bright side.

after listening to music all week that sings about being broken to pieces by this evil world and then hearing a message that most of us really assure others about our well being with a false sense of optimism it's really been hard not to think about people and situations that have really brought me down and become bummed about everything that didn't go as i had planned. what bugs me is i moved on and let all that go. It seems quite counterintuitive to go back to that you know? I kind of wonder if i should be suprised when people on the outside looking in accuse us of using religion as an emotional crutch or of being void of anything authentic in our facades that we put on for them to see everyday.

zach had his last little league game today...that was real fun to watch(even though it was at 9am). i chuckled when i finally realized they didn't keep score. leave it to oregon to create a division where the only thing that counts is whether you gave it your best shot. another thing that shocked me...there were no snow cones! what the heck?!? seriously, that's got to be blasphemy or something...

road trips with some of my closest friends are a real special time for me. we seem to have every conversation we never had the opportunity to have while seeing each other in passing. the best times for me, though, are during the period silence where we don't have to say a thing. where it's just the physical presence of one another that provides more than enough assurance that we're not alone on this road. it's something i really needed.

story time:
i always seem to walk away with at least one story from every road trip i have and to tell this one properly i need to give it a little context. when i was younger my family drove down to So Cal to visit family for a vacation and we made a gas stop in the middle of no where oregon. i went to use their restroom and inside was a mannequin of a woman dressed up in a bathtub...it scared me SO much that i ran out crying. we had to stop like ten minutes later at a rest area cuz I still needed to go. So last night we stopped in the middle of no where oregon to get some food and stretch for a little bit. We went inside and trevor(not david) went to use the restroom. when he came out he was like "guys, there's a mannequin of a girl in a bathtub in the restroom...i'm not going to lie it was kind of creepy." My eyes got wide and I knew...I had been here before. Eventually i needed to face this old fear because i needed to use the restroom once again. I went in and conquered. I was victorious. The end.

Quote of the Day:
"For a contented life: Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to support your needs. Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor. Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others. Faith enough to make real the things of God. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning your future." - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

yup...i'm gone!

so i've gotten a lot of random IMs from people i don't know asking why i've IMed them and asking me if i'm a bot. which leads me to believe my screen name is effed up...so i created another one. if you want it email me (dmaynard@gmail.com) and i'll be happy to give it you ya:)

take care everyone...

daniel

there's something about summer and classic rock that makes everything that much better...

the routine of sleeping in, sitting out in the sun for hours and then going to starbucks has been good for my soul. After being strung out and going a million miles an hour ALL year it's good to shift into neutral and be idle for a little while. my conversations have moved from the weather to something...deeper and i've begun to start processing a lot of things i encountered in class that i more or less put off. I've been able to read books I actually want to read...like Harry Potter and Davinci Code:) I have found rest, peace and happiness in my old and new friends. yes, right now i realize what i should have a while ago...i am blessed. if i can live in this moment forever...i would.

quote of the day:
"Shake off all fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God, because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blind faith." - Thomas Jefferson

when looking at all the crap i've accumulated over the past two years. When I came here I came down with a small box of books and pictures, a computer, a guitar and a suitcase of clothes...that's it! now that i've packed everything i have three boxes of books, 2 guitars and an amp, a stereo, two boxes of micelaneous crap and two suitcases of clothes/bedding and I cannot tell you how much stuff I have thrown away. i once considered myself a minimalist...now not so much.

my goal for this summer: learn the habits and lifestyle of a nomad so I can apply it to next year.

i was hit with a sense of sadness yesterday. it was while cleaning off my desk. My desk was covered in quotes, pictures people colored for me, notes that made me laugh and gave me the courage to press on when my disallusionment with ministry really set it. I had my shot glasses all lined up with an empty bottle of Tennessee Jack Daniel's Zach had given me. I even found my long lost blinky frog:) which unshockingly i found died along with everything that was associated with it. I took down my photos of me and my friends, cards i recieved for my birthday and v-day and about a hundred other things that made my desk my own. When i put the stuff in boxes i was saddened because of my uncertainity that some of those things may never get unpacked again.

this is the worst part of packing for me because i've moved around so much in my life and whenever i've packed it has meant that i would be leaving everything behind for good. i don't know what it's like to come back to a place and pick up life as i left it. even last summer I was technically living on campus...so i didn't have to pack all my stuff. i'm so incredibly ready to go home and leave this place for a while. stepping outside of my existentialism, a part of me is still wanting to hold on because i have no idea how things are going to be when I do have to return. i guess what it comes down to is i'm just afraid of change...

i bought munich the other day and i simply can't stop watching it. this movie is such a powerful story of what revenge does and the heavy need for grace in this world. the most poingant scene in this movie is right after one of the main characters gets assassinated and the team is taking off to go kill who did it. they're about to board the train and the bomb maker pulls the main character aside and they have this dialouge...

"We're Jews, Avner. Jews don't do wrong because our enemies do wrong."
"We can't afford to be that decent anymore."
"I don't know that we ever were that decent. Suffering thousands of years of hatred doesn't make you decent. But we're supposed to be righteous. That's a beautiful thing. That's Jewish. That's what I knew. That's what I was taught. And now i'm losing it, and i lose that, that's...that's everything. That's my soul."

after this semester i've learned so much about the kinship christianity and judaism have. God's calling for holiness in both covenants doesn't change. I could very well replace "christian" wherever he said "jew" and the relevancy wouldn't decrease in any sense.

when was the last time i considered righteousness a beautiful thing? i find i'm more inclined to treat it as a chore or a hardship. when was the last time i preached or heard a message like that preached? holiness is something beautiful and we only have the ability to appreciate such beauty because of what was done on Calvary. kind of like only being able to appreciate the stars until i leave the artificial light created by the city...

when was the last time i knew that i'm losing everything, my soul, when i compromise on my relationship with Jesus? or do i just take this grace for granted?

mmm cheeze-its.

...but i did.

i narrowed down my "wish list" on amazon.com to 20 books...it was SO hard. then i ordered 4 of them for about $25...

Dissapointment with God, Reaching for the invisible God and Rumors of another world by Phillip Yancey

also my own copy of Abba's Child by Brennan Manning so that it wont be a heart break when i give the copy i have back to Cal:)

I hope to get through all 20 by the time school starts....yay for summer reading!!!

my little sister(melissa) posted this and of course i'm going to forward it...

If you dont know my little brother, then dont bother reading this. It's just my rant of how good he is.

My little brother rocks at baseball! He's in third grade, and this is his first year playing, but he's already one of the best players on the team.

Today, he had a game (his third game of the season, I believe), and he pitched for the first time. I'm really mad I didnt get to see him, bc I had to leave early, but apparently he struck out almost all the kids there. The coaches had the idea of having two game balls that they awarded after the game, one for Team Player, and one for Play of the day. They were awarded to one player who best fit the description of each title, and he won the Team Player ball.

He was soooo excited, he was being congratulated by the entire team, most of which he's not very good friends with, and everyone was extremely proud of him, including yours truly.

And at the first game of the season, he was the first and only player to cross home-plate. He was proud of the fact that he was the first scored run of the entire season.

When I first heard he was joining baseball, I had no clue I'd be this supportive of it, or be this proud of him. But I sure as heck am.

So, that was my little rant of the day. My little brother OWNS at baseball!

i broke down and went clothes shopping. it's seriously been years since i've intentionally gone out to buy new clothes.

malls wear me out...

so i tried to go to sleep but i can't. partially because my wheels are
spinning too fast and partly because i'm sunburned from the day's
happenings at the pool...and it hurts. anyways, so i got online and
talked to ryan and this conversation was worth posting...

Frgven1: hey dude
Ryan Habig: hey
Frgven1: how are you?
Ryan Habig: pretty good
Ryan Habig: u?
Frgven1: i am well
Frgven1: sunburnt
Ryan Habig: really
Ryan Habig: por que?
Frgven1: so well done:)
Frgven1: i was out in the sun for too long
Ryan Habig: well. that makes sense.
Frgven1: lol
Ryan Habig: i have many pages to go read before it becomes tomorrow
Frgven1: i feel ya'
Frgven1: well good luck man
Frgven1: :)
Ryan Habig: thanks
Ryan Habig: good luck w/ the sunburn
Ryan Habig: aloe, etc.
Ryan Habig: talk some girl into rubbing into your shoulders :)
Frgven1: oh dear
Ryan Habig: or forget that i said that
Frgven1: ;)
Frgven1: lol
Frgven1: nope
Frgven1: this might even make my blog
Ryan Habig: you would
Ryan Habig: jerk



none are safe from becoming the source of my blogging amusement...i think i'm going to watch a movie now.

If you spend
a good amount of time online you may be aware of the recent debate that
had broken out about Pirates and Ninjas. People all over the world are
taking sides regarding whether Pirates or Ninjas are more awesome.



Most recently this debate has reach Christian scholars who have tried
to use the bible to resolve this complicated question. Interestingly,
there are certain passages that seem to formulate a workable argument
that Jesus was actually a pirate:



Many of his mates were former fishermen

The local authorities hated him

He was difficult to understand

He told stories about buried treasure

He could sleep through a storm at sea

The woman he was closest to was a prostitute

He had treasure from kings

He helped his friends escape from prison, (even when he was supposed to be dead)

He didnt know when he would be coming back



However having heard this, several other theologians have gone to work
and assembled a workable argument that Jesus was actually a ninja



He was Mysterious to his enemies

His body and sprit were balanced

He had healing abilities

What we know about him comes from ancient scrolls

He could enter locked rooms

He Set a revolution in motion

He fought for Royalty

He shed his blood for the innocent

He had Real Ultimate Power

















brought to you by Gaffney Bing Inc.

here's the story with my phone. it sort of went through the wash yesterday and of course it wouldn't turn on at all so i figured i fried it. well just a little bit ago i picked it up and tried to turn it on a yaaay it works! so you can call me once again because i know you had a real sense of loss since yesterday...

He is risen!

"Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." -John 20:30-31

yeah... my phone broke...so if you're ever thinking about me and feel like calling you're going to either have to leave me a message, track me down and actually have a conversation face to face or email me(dmaynard@gmail.com). sorry...hopefully i'll be able to replace it soon:(

when i woke up this morning it felt just like another saturday to me. for my devotion this morning i read the Gospel of John all the way through. I'll admit for the past 6 months or so the Bible has become so impersonal to me. it's been a collection of historical documents written to address specific people and circumstances that occured thousands of years ago. the Bible has been more of a tool to use when i need to give a sermon than anything else...which is maybe how it should be. it's not personal anymore. the voice of the holy spirit has been replaced with a 12 step exigetical process and word studies and i have so desperately wanted that voice back...especially these past two months.

when i read the account of Jesus by John, the one who Jesus loved, i was captivated and now i'm reflecting on what i've encountered...

this day must have been one of the most confusing and emotionally frustrating days for the disciples. they were apart of this amazing ministry for 3 years. they watched people who were tormented spiritually find peace. they watched as the lame found the faith to walk and the blind to see. they watched Jesus stand up to the religious authorities and expose their manipulation of those that were weaker. they fed an innumerable amount of people with very very little. they watched him walk on the sea. they saw him stand there on the water calm, collected and confident in the middle of a world of chaos. Jesus taught them how to pray to God as Abba. They walked in his wake as the Messiah finally returned to Jerusalem only to watch him experience one of the most painful death setence humanity has invented. their king, their messiah, their only hope and salvation hung impotent on a cross, died then put in a tomb.

the next day had got to have been one of the worst times of their lives. looking back on three years and seeing how it had apparently ended..they had got to have been thinking, "Dude, what?!" lost, scared and dispersed without their Good Shepherd...I can't imagine the heartbreak they felt. i'd go back fishing too...if anything for the peace of mind the ocean gives me.

but after experiencing the transformation that occurs when encountering the Logos, the Word that which was spoken which became flesh could I go back to my old life and live like nothing ever happened? i think i would be walking around as an empty shell. this must have been the lonliest day for the disciples.

they don't know it...but sunday's still coming.

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." -Galatians 3:13

i am now installing all my songs on yet another new ipod. i have a history with ipods...one which i will now share.

i bought my first ipod off of ebay last may because i had the money and i wanted something small that could hold all my music for when i took off on my AR adventures. it's a 20gig click wheel and i got it for about $180 with some extra stuff...it was a pretty good deal. anyways, on my way back from tennessee my shampoo exploded in my bag, soaked through all my clothes and fried the stupid thing. i got it looked at by the end of the summer. even though the warranty was a couple weeks expired they replaced it for free. so, i was on ipod number 2 for most of this school year until a few weeks ago when i turned it on and got a sad face ipod character...made me sad. i took it to the genuises tonight at the apple store and it took them two seconds to tell me that my hard drive is fried (duh)...they looked up my ipod and apparently when i got it replaced they extended my warranty for another year. so my second ipod was covered under warranty and i am now playing with my third ipod, the second which i have recieved for free from apple.

i believe the technical term is i have officially stuck it to the man.

have you ever woke up in the morning and you're not sure where the hell you're at?? that happened this morning. it seriously took a whole 5 minutes to figure out that i'm in Fullerton and I go to college. i thought i was in my old house in tualatin, definitely late for school, and trying to figure out what classes i had today to see if it was really a big deal. "A" days not so much but "B" days....may God have mercy on my soul. It was so weird...alas, i am not in highschool but i live in Orange County and i don't have to worry about being late today because my first class starts at 1:30pm.

if you're a starbucks goer like me you'd notice that they got something new going on called "akeelah". I don't really know what it is but at the bucks across the street they've posted big words around the the registers and one that was on derek's cup was "eudaemonic". Since last night I've been thinking wtf?! It's bothered me so much that i looked it up this morning...

eudaemonic (adj): producing happiness and well-being

there...for anyone who might be bothered by not knowing what this smart sounding word means you can put your mind at ease.

oh yeah, i was walking back to my dorm after breakfast and i always have to walk past the maintenance office. this particular morning there were TWO of those golf carts parked infront. my first thought was that two was a bit superfluous and then the overwhelming urge to commandeer one came out of nowhere within me. i forced myself to keep walking. it was hard but my will prevailed.

one of these days...

Frgven1: it's been a real chill day
krista: yeah i agree
krista: im just listening to music
krista: sometimes that's my favorite thing to do... just sit and listen to the lyrics
Frgven1: i like to write out my reaction to whatever i'm listening to
krista: i like to dance in my chair:-)
krista: or at least bob my head
krista: lol it depends on the song of course
Frgven1: amazing

1- Go to Google 2- Type in the word "Failure" 3- Instead of clicking "Google Search," click "I'm Feeling Lucky." 4- :) 5- Spread the word before the people at Google "fix" it. Well what can i say? This is just to funny not to pass on

my alarm goes off at 7am. when i wake up i'm faced with a serious moral dillema. i am so unbelievably tired and the last thing i want to do is go to my 8am class. after a half hour i willed myself out of bed, into the shower and out the door. i go to class and its cancelled.

f-word.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love languages are probably
Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		10
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz